Dealing with failure

Our theme this month is “Dealing with loss and failure.” And that got me to thinking about what the difference is between loss and failure. And although we sometimes use the words with overlapping meanings, here’s my attempt to separate the meaning of the two words: 

Loss is something that happens to us.
Failure is something that is our fault.

We can lose a job through no fault of our own, or we can fail in that job. Now, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference: The company was downsizing, and we lost our job because we weren’t quite as productive as someone else. The job performance that was good one year became inadequate the next year, because the economy changed, and we failed to improve, maybe because we were physiologically unable to. It just happened to us.

We failed to run a 4-minute mile, we failed to be outstanding, etc. I’m not sure whether that is a loss or a failure. No matter which it is, we can be sure to say that it is a disappointment. We feel bad about it. We tried something heroic, and we couldn’t do it. We might feel bad about some failures, saying if only I had done this, or done that… , but we shouldn’t put too much blame on ourselves when we did the best we could.

Obviously, some disappointments hit us harder than others do. Some athletes in the Olympics are happy just to be there. They know they aren’t going to win, but they enjoy the chance to lose. They have already been a winner, just to get there. But other athletes are overcome with remorse when they come in fourth. They are bitterly disappointed to be only the fourth-best in the world, when they wanted to be first.

Some people are terribly shaken when they lose a job. Others seem not to care very much, even about the very same job. For some people, the job is their self-esteem, or their family’s only source of income. For others, it’s just a little supplement. Our circumstances, and our personalities, affect how we deal with such losses and failures.

Now, failure is harder to take than loss is. If our child drowns in the river while we are away at work, it is hard on us, but if our child drowns in the river while we are there and unable to save the child, then it is much harder on us. We failed, and we take it more personally.

I have experienced loss – loss of a job when the company went broke.

I have experienced failure – failure in relationships, failure in school, moral failure, financial failure, failure in driving skills, failure in athletic skills, and failure in teaching the word of God.

Today, I want to talk about how you can deal with people like me, people who have been a failure.

Jesus talked about it in the parable of the prodigal son, so let’s look at what this parable can teach us about failure.

It is Jesus’ longest parable, so we will have to go through it rather quickly. It is found in Luke 15, just after the parable of the lost sheep, and the parable of the lost coin. And this parable could well be called the parable of the lost son. Jesus begins in verse 11 by setting the scene:

        ^{Lk 15:11} Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons.  The first parable had one sheep out of a hundred getting lost, and then found. The second parable had one coin out of ten being lost, and then found, and in each parable there was a celebration. There was a celebration for finding 1 percent, and there was a celebration for finding 10 percent, and so you can pretty well guess that there is going to be a party for finding 50 percent – and not just an animal or a object – it is about finding a human being, a member of the family, who was lost and then became found. Well, actually, the father says that the son was dead, and is now alive. It’s like celebrating a resurrection – but that is getting ahead of the story. Let’s let Jesus tell us what happened, in verse 12:

¹² The younger son said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ Well, now, this is not a request – it is a command. It is like saying, Dad, I don’t like the way you are running the family farm, and I don’t really want to be tied down here. I’m bored, and I want to take off, and do my own thing. Just gimme the amount I would get if you died.

          It was a rather rude request, but the father complied: So he divided his property between them.  He took his property and gave part of it to the younger son, and the rest of it to the older son. And by custom in that society, the father could continue to do whatever he wanted with the farm, even though it technically belonged to the older son.

          Verse ^13: Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. So he liquidated all his assets and took off. That was not too big a surprise, because why else would he want his inheritance early, if he wasn’t planning on leaving the farm? And so the teenager took off and went to a Gentile country, and partied his money away. Maybe he was trying to get some friends, but more likely, he was just trying to have a good time.

          Now, Jesus does not tell us what sins the boy committed. He does not emphasize sin at all. What he emphasizes is that he lost all the money. He was wasteful.

          Nowadays, the word prodigal suggests something shameful, but when the King James Bible was translated, it just meant someone who was extravagant, or wildly generous. It could even have good connotations, if the king was wildly generous with his people. It is related to the word prodigious, meaning producing a lot, or prodigy, meaning doing a lot. Well, the prodigal son spent a lot – he was wildly generous. The problem was that it was all going out, and nothing was coming back in, and eventually he went broke.

        ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.

        None of his friends would help him out. Now, notice here again that Jesus is not saying anything about the son’s character flaws or sins. His problem is simply that he spent all his money, and he was hungry.

        ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.

        In Jewish society, this is about the lowest that a person could ever get. It was shame enough to waste all the money; it was even more shameful to have to feed pigs.

        ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.   Now, here, I have to say that Jesus has got to be exaggerating. I don’t think there’s any pig farmer in the world who would say that hired help couldn’t eat some of the pig food. And he has already said that he hired himself out – so he must have been paid something. But Jesus is emphasizing the terrible situation the guy is in – the pigs are eating themselves fat, and he is barely scraping by.

          So it’s been a downhill journey for this guy – from prosperity to poverty – and then we move to part 2 of the parable – the “return of the renegade.”

        Verse ¹⁷ When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.

        Well, now obviously, he was not starving to death – he had enough energy to walk a long, long way back home. And he no doubt had a lot of time to think, as well.

          I suppose you know that the father in this story represents God, and the younger son represents someone who has sinned and wants to return to God. But Jesus isn’t saying anything about the kind of sin the person has been involved in – that can vary a whole lot, from petty little sins to multiple felonies and jail time. That does not matter – what matters is the person is gone away from God, and now wants to come back, because they figure that it is better to be a doorkeeper in God’s kingdom than the mess they’ve made for themselves.

          Now, I can relate to that. When I was a kid, I was taught about God, and about Christ, and I kindof believed it. But there came a time in my life when I wanted to strike out on my own. I didn’t have much money, but I took the strengths that I had, and tried to make a path for myself in the world. For me, my strength was education – I did well in school – and so I banked on that. Other people try to rely on athletic ability, or popularity, or good looks, or other stuff. We all take whatever we can get, and try to make something of it.

          And for me, it was not long before I made a shambles of myself. Oh yes, I still had some educational achievements, but I also made some rather foolish decisions that messed me up even worse. My weaknesses were greater than my strengths, and my social life was a mess, my financial life was a mess, my job was a failure, and my schoolwork didn’t look all that great, either.

          So eventually I came myself, and I decided to return to my father – both literally and spiritually. I admitted that no matter how well I did in school, I was not qualified to run my own life. I needed God to tell me what life is for, and how to live it, and how to start all over. So I took the trip back to my Father, saying, The Christian life may not be exciting, but it sure beats the mess I’m in. I will go back, admit my stupidity, ask for another chance, and I’ll do whatever he tells me to do. I was willing to be a servant, to work for my keep.

          OK, part 3 – the Father welcomes him back home.

          Verse 20: “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

          Now, in that culture, it was not very dignified for a man to hike up his robe in order to run. But he didn’t care – he was eager to greet his son once again. He didn’t wait for the son to walk all the way back home – he ran out to greet him. He wasn’t mad at the son, he didn’t berate him with questions about how all the money had disappeared – he just welcomed him home.

          And that’s how God treats us. He doesn’t wait until we are all the way back before he greets us – he meets us along the way and encourages us. He doesn’t bring out a list of all the sins we’ve ever done and go through it expecting us to apologize for each and every sin. No, he just welcomes us.

        Verse ²¹ The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

        So the son begins the little speech he has practiced for several weeks, hoping to get a job from his dad. But no, the dad doesn’t even let him finish the speech. God is not interested in us working as a servant – he wants us to be one of his children. We don’t have to “earn our keep” – which is a good thing, because we couldn’t – we are simply accepted back into the family. The father is not worried about the money, and neither is God. He’s not worried about our works. He knows they aren’t very good, but he doesn’t even mention them. That’s past. Forget it.

        Verse ²² But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

          So when we return to God, God gives us a robe, a ring, and some sandals. In that society, clothes were expensive – and they weren’t designer jeans. Even the simplest clothes cost a lot of money, and sandals were a luxury that servants did not have. God is saying to us, You are not a servant – you are part of the family, and we are going to celebrate – and that is because we were not just lost, like a sheep or a coin – we were dead. If we try to live on our own without God, we are as good as dead. But when we come back to God, when we admit that life on our own is stupid, then we are alive again.

          And God celebrates – and if we are his children, then we should, too. This parable tells us what we should do when we have been a failure in life – it tells us, come back to God, and he will welcome you.

___________

          That’s a great parable, isn’t it? It’s like the parable of the lost sheep – the shepherd found the sheep and threw a party to celebrate. End of parable. And it’s like the parable of the lost coin – the woman found the coin and threw a party to celebrate. End of parable. And that’s what we have in the parable of the lost son, too – the lost son was found and the father threw a party to celebrate.

          Ah, but this is not the end of the parable. Jesus could have stopped right here and had a great parable. But he does not stop here, and what he now says could easily be considered a parable in its own right: the parable of the older son.

          Remember him? He was mentioned in the first verse, but now he returns because Jesus has another lesson for us.

          Verse ²⁵ Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

         So the older son came home, just like he always did, but no one ran out to greet him. He had been coming home every day for years, but there was no party for him. He was never in danger, so there was no celebration for his rescue. He was like the 99 sheep who did not get lost, or the 9 coins that did not get lost, and there was no party for him.

          So, verse ²⁸ The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

        So the older son dumped a load of resentment on his dad, and it reveals a lot about him. The younger son wanted to be a servant, but the older son resented being a servant. He was working like a dog, and he felt unappreciated and unloved. He claimed to be obedient to his father, but he clearly disobeyed him here – he refused to go in, despite his father’s pleas. He accuses his brother – oops, he doesn’t even call him brother – he calls him “this son of yours” – he accuses him of sin when he has no evidence.

          You see, the older son was just as lost as the younger one was. He was emotionally separated from his dad, even when he was at home. He did not share his father’s joy, he did not share his father’s values. He thought he was working like a servant, a slave, even though the father had given him the inheritance. He was trying to live on his own strength just as much as the younger son was. And he resented the younger son being given so much attention.

          Now, in the setting of the parable, the older son stands for the Pharisees who complained when Jesus welcomed sinners. The Pharisees thought that they were slaving away for God, when God was actually willing to give them the kingdom. But as long as they insisted working for it, they were missing out on the joy that God offered. And the older son represents people even today who pride themselves on their obedience and do not want the church to be too easy on sinners.

          I can relate to the younger son, the one who had messed up his life and returned home with his tail between his legs. And I can relate to the older son, too, who was trying to stay in the good graces of God by working hard and making sacrifices. And I can relate to his anger and his frustration when his dad threw a party for someone who didn’t work hard and keep a tidy life. But God is telling us, whether young or old, “You don’t have to be a servant – you are my child. Do not think of yourself as a servant – think of yourself as one of my dearly loved children.”

          ³¹ “ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ ”

        Yes, you Pharisees, the kingdom is there. It’s yours, if you want to enter. But you have to realize that the only way to get an entrance ticket is by grace, not by slaving away. That doesn’t mean that I want you to go out and waste all your money – that would be stupid, as your younger brother will readily testify. But, whether you work hard, or hardly work, I still love you. But the point is, that we have to celebrate when the lost children come home. Come on in and join the celebration. Have fun!

          You know, son, as long as you stay outside, you are as good as dead, too. As long as you stay outside, you are just as much a failure as your younger brother was. Quit thinking that you have to earn my love. Come on in to the party and we will celebrate for you, too.

          You see, throwing a party is not just a nice option – it is a necessity. We had to celebrate, because this is what the kingdom of God is all about – it’s about dead people coming back to life, it’s about lost people getting found, it’s about people who went away coming back, it’s about people who thought they could live on their own strength coming back to live in the household of God. We should be happy when people come back to God – and we don’t have to wait for them to get to the front porch – we can run out there to greet them, as soon as we see they are headed back home.

          Well, what do you think? Did the older brother join the party, or not? Can a person who relied on works ever rejoice in grace? Can the older brother admit that a lifetime of legalism is just as much a moral failure as a few years of wasteful living?

          I leave that to you – and it’s a challenge for me, as well. I hope we both learn to party with God.

          And what about the younger brother? Did he abuse his second chance? Well, we don’t know – Jesus didn’t tell us. He left the parable sort of unfinished on those points, because in his own situation, the story was not yet done.

And for us today, the story is not yet done. We have some prodigal sons and daughters who have been welcomed back, and we don’t know how they will turn out in the end. And we have some older brothers and sisters standing on the outside, a bit miffed at what the church is doing, and we don’t know how they will turn out in the end, either.

What we don’t know doesn’t matter – what we do know is that Jesus says, in verse 23, we have to celebrate and be glad whenever anyone returns to God. That is how we deal with failure either in our own lives, or in the lives of other people.

Gal. 6:1 – is anyone a failure? Restore the person gently.