I would like to talk today about the first fruit of the Spirit — love. "Fruit" is a metaphor. It means result, so when we talk about the fruit of the Spirit, we are talking about the result of God working in our lives. And love is the most basic Christian ethic, the most basic description of God himself, and the way in which all other fruits of the Spirit should be exercised.

If you tried to think of the most loving person in the congregation, I doubt that my name would come to mind. I am not known for emotions, or for sacrifices, or for friendship, or for being a model husband and father. I am rather ordinary in these respects, or deficient in some areas.

I struggle with love. Yes, that's right: I struggle with the most basic characteristic of being a Christian. Some things I find easy; love is not one of them. It does not come easy, it does not come natural, so I speak as a sinner and not as a saint.

But if we talk about only things we find easy, we will not come across as credible to the people who struggle with those things. They could say, Oh, it's easy for you to talk about that, because it comes easy for you, but that doesn't help me at all, because I'm not like that. You don't know what it's like to struggle with it like I do.

So, for all the people who find love easy, go help in children's church or something. This message is not for you. This message is for those who do not find love easy. Perhaps something I say can help a little, because I do not find it easy to express love. I have painful experiences in my past that make it harder for me to express love — and I am sure that I am not alone in this problem. Many people in society today have experiences in their past that make it difficult for them to express love.

Some people deal with painful experiences better than others do; I don't seem to do very well. So when I talk about love, you know that I struggle with this particular fruit, and I hope that what I say will become more meaningful to some of you who are like me, who struggle with love. Or perhaps you struggle with joy, or patience, or self-control. Take heart — you are not the only one.

It's OK to struggle. The struggle just means that we are being led by God's Spirit to change something in us that needs to be changed. And since none of us are perfect yet, we should all be struggling with something. As long as we live on this sinful planet, we have emotional pain that we have to deal with.

Now, let's talk about love. What is love? Love is an emotion that produces action. Both components are important: our actions need to have the right motive behind them, and our emotions should produce real changes in our behavior, not just sentimental feelings and words.

Popular culture around us talks a lot about love, but I get the feeling that a lot of it is not very realistic. Romance is big business. Book publishers and movie producers keep spinning off stories about passionate relationships, of magical moments, of idealized attractions.

These stories may be true for a few people, but I suspect that they are not true for most people. If people had this wonderful relationship in their own lives, I doubt that they would pay money to see actors pretend to have it in the movies. We do not pay money to see the ordinary — we pay money to see the unusual, the extraordinary. So, the movies have to offer more than real life offers. The whole movie industry is built on illusion. It's fake — fake buildings, fake skin, fake lifestyles, fake romances, and fake love. We can't base our concepts of love on what we see in the movies. If we compare ourselves to that, we will always come up short.

I would like to begin by observing that different people express love in different ways. Gary Chapman, in his book The Five Love Languages, classifies the different ways of showing love under these five headings:

time — words — gifts — service — touch

His point is that none of these are better than the others; they are simply different, and some people tend more toward one than another. They tend to express their love in one way rather than another, and they tend to appreciate one form of love more than another. Part of this is due to our experiences, and some of it is just due to personality tendencies that were set before we were born.

Because we sometimes prefer different ways to express love, sometimes we misunderstand the other person. They say, My spouse doesn't love me because they don't do this, or say that - when perhaps the spouse is trying really hard in another area, the area that is most meaningful to them. Well, Chapman's point is that we should try to figure out what our spouse likes most, and then try to do more of that form of expressing love.

• If our spouse wants time most of all, and we want to show love, then give time.
• If our spouse wants praise and words of appreciation, then we should give those.
• If our spouse wants gifts, then we need to find a way to give things.
• If our spouse wants acts of service, if that is the way that they will feel loved, then we need to do the jobs the spouse wants done.
• And if our spouse likes to be touched, then we should touch.

No matter what, we need to break out of our habits and try to express love in the way that our spouse will better experience it as love. This is a lot easier said than done, and I certainly don't do it very well. Sometimes it seems like I need to do more of everything, and I just can't.

And the opposite is true, too. If our spouse prefers touch, then it is likely that our spouse will express love in ways that involve touch. And even if touch is not our thing, we need to translate that touch as an expression of love. We have to see the meaning that was put into it, not just what we naturally get out of it. Whenever we give love or receive love, we need to be aware of the tendency of the other person.

That's true of spouses, and it's true of children. Some children seem to hunger after time more than others do; some seem to want touch more than others do. So, in order to show love to our children, we need to know what they like and what they don't like, and we treat them the way they like to be treated, not necessarily the way that we would want to be treated.

For example, my wife pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago that our daughter likes touch, and when we help her with her homework, things go smoother if we sit down with her and stay with her. Our son has a different style.

Now, in our relationships within the congregation, we have different styles. And here, since we are working with so many different people all at the same time, it often is not practical for us to adapt our style — we simply have to do whatever it is that we do best. We each serve according to our spiritual gifts.

One of my spiritual gifts is service, so I am happy to help set things up, to move chairs around, to take the trash out. I don't want to be the only one who does that work, but I am quite willing to do it. Those are nice, safe jobs — I can contribute to the needs of the congregation without any risk of getting my feelings hurt. I can do something that I know needs to be done, and nobody complains about it.

And when I speak, I think of it more in terms of "helping out" than an opportunity for me to speak. I don't enjoy speaking that much, but I am willing to do it, if it's needed. I hope that what I say helps people. I think in terms of helping. That is the way that I tend to express love for the congregation. I don't want to be in charge; I want to help. I tend to express love with service.

Others spend time with people. Some are good at praising other people. Some are good at giving things; some are good at making other people feel welcome. I try to do each of those, but some people seem to do them without even trying, because it comes so naturally for them. They are gifted for it, but I have to work at it.

Our different styles of expressing love can also affect our relationship with God. Some people measure their love for God by time; others by their words; some by gifts, and some by work. Some people want to feel God's presence; others are happy just to know that he is here. Some people worship best in singing, some in activity, some in reading the Bible, and some in partaking of the Lord's Supper. We express our love for God in different ways.

So that's my point. Love is an emotion that is expressed in several different ways, and we can't always judge the depth of the emotion by the way the person expresses it. What is a great sacrifice for one person, is of minor consequence to another.

Well then, how do we look at love as a fruit of the Holy Spirit? People are different, so we do not expect God to work in everyone in exactly the same way. We have different strengths and different shortcomings, and the Holy Spirit working in us works through our strengths and works on our weaknesses.

And I find that in the past 5 and 10 years I have made some improvement in some areas. I sometimes surprise myself by doing or thinking things that I didn't used to do. Or rather, I should say that Christ is doing the work in me. He is leading me, and I am responding — but my response is always less-than-perfect, so I can't take any credit for that. Whatever good is done, is because the Holy Spirit is changing me from what I used to be.

But notice that I am talking about 5 and 10 years. Some people change really fast; I don't, at least not in this area. So, I must be patient with myself and be patient with God working in me. I must trust him to do the work in my life that needs to be done. I try to do what I can, but without getting bent out of shape about what I can't do. The selfishness in me is slow to die.

The essence of love is concern for others. God was so concerned about the world that he gave his only Son. He loved us and gave himself for us. His concern led to action. His concern about our well-being was more important to him that his natural desire for his own comfort. That is love. Sometimes it means doing what we like, because the other person likes it, too. But sometimes it means giving up what we like, in order to be able to do what the other person likes. On a vacation, for example, I can't always do what I like – I need to do what other people like.

Some people do this quite naturally – almost excessively. They live to please; their self-concept depends on pleasing somebody else, and they need to build some boundaries in their life for their own mental health. I am the opposite: I already have boundaries, and I need to move outside of them sometimes. So, if you are one of the people who need boundaries, don't take what I say as pressure to do more. Remember, I am speaking to the people who find it difficult to love, not to those who find it easy.

Now I want to turn to Scripture to see what it says about love, and the passage that comes to mind is Philippians 2:1-10. It describes love, and describes the consequences of love, and it can give us a basis for a little more discussion about love, this fruit of the Spirit.

Philippians is in general a positive book. The Philippian congregation was doing well, and Paul wrote to encourage them, not to correct them. But they apparently had a problem with unity, for in several places Paul encourages them to get along better.

In chapter 2, verse 1, he writes this: "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."

In other words, if Christ is doing you any good at all, then be like he is. Copy what he does. Join together in spirit and purpose, so we can do it for the glory of God. So, if we are encouraged by what Christ has done for us, if we are thankful for what he did for us, then we are to respond by the way we treat one another.

Verse 3 tells us how: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Don't be selfish, and don't be conceited. Consider others better than yourselves. Everybody in the church has equal value to Christ, but he still tells us to consider others better than ourselves. Because only when we do that, will we actually treat others the way we should.

Verse 4: "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Yes, it's OK to take care of our own needs, but we should also be attentive to what other people need, too. We need to be attentive to what children need, what potential visitors need, what older people need. We need to look to the interest of others.

We can't just play the music that we like, or have the volume the way that we like, or speak on the subjects that we like, or come to services whenever we like. Our desires are important, but we have to consider other peoples' interests as even more important — and that's hard to do.

Now, Christ in us does the work, but he doesn't force us to do it. He gives us the thoughts, it is up to us to respond to those thoughts to let his will be done in our lives. We can choose to do what he leads us to do, or we can say no, and stay the way we were, in selfishness and in conceit, in thinking that we are better than others, or our opinion counts more than others. This is not automatic; otherwise Paul would not have to tell us to do it. Put off the old ways, he says. Put on the new ways. Put on Christ, put on the way of Christ.

In Galatians 6:1, Paul wrote that if we bear one another's burdens, then we are fulfilling the law of Christ. We are fulfilling the standard set by Christ. We are doing what he did, if we bear one another's burdens. That means help each other, consider what other people need and what they want. Look to their interests, not just to our own.

Our attitude, Paul says in Phil. 2:5, "should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." And then beginning in verse 6 he explains the attitude of Jesus: "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped." Although he was divine by nature, and he actually was more important than all of us put together, maintaining his status was not the highest priority on his mind. Rather, he gave it up, in order to serve our needs.

Verse 7: [he] "made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." He put himself in our place, took our burdens upon himself, even when we were his enemies, even when we were unaware of our needs, unaware of what a great sacrifice he was making, unaware of that what he was doing was actually for our benefit. So Jesus was made like a human, even to the point of being mortal.

Jesus told his disciples that he was a person who served; he washed their feet as an example of the kind of service they were to have for one another every day of the year. Service – that is what love is all about. It doesn't always mean physical activity — sometimes it's a word of encouragement, sometimes it is spending time with other people, sometimes it is giving them something, sometimes it's touching them with compassion, and sometimes it is helping them in ways that they don't even appreciate.

After all, Jesus died for people who had no idea that his death on the cross was going to help them at all. Very few people really supported Jesus – the Jewish leaders were jealous of his popularity, while the average person was disappointed that Jesus wasn't willing to fight the Romans. But Jesus was not on a popularity mission — he was not trying to win votes – he was trying to help us with our real needs.

Verse 8: "And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross!" That is true humility, to be despised and rejected by men for three and a half years, and still be willing to die for them. This is what love is, and this is the example that Paul is saying that we should copy. Humility, not conceit. Service, not selfishness. And we have to be willing to suffer for it.

Yes, suffering is part of love. Love must be willing to be misunderstood and rejected. Love must be willing to experience pain. Love must be willing to serve even when it hurts. Love means that I must come out of my shell to help others even if it runs a risk.

I cannot pretend that this is easy. I cannot pretend that it is very attractive. As Dietrich Bonhoffer said, when Christ calls someone, he is calling them to die. He tells them to take up the cross, and die daily. Put our lives on the line. Put our pride on the line. Put our comfort on the line. Be willing to give them up, in order to take care of the needs of other people.

This is not a really attractive way of life, but the alternative is even worse. A self-absorbed life, a selfish life, a self-centered life, is a rather pointless life. The person who dies with the most toys still dies, and a person who has lived for self has essentially lived by the same priority as Hitler did. That's not a very attractive way of life, either.

Before I became a Christian, I got a degree in biology, and I was studying to become a wildlife biologist. Someone later asked me why I changed careers, and the answer I gave helped me understand myself a little better. I really enjoyed the biology, but I felt that it was pointless. I was amusing myself, but not doing anybody any good. My whole life could be absorbed by biology, without doing anybody any good. So I wanted to study something that really mattered, that made a real difference in people's lives.

Now, the job is not really the problem — it was my attitude that was the problem. Other people can work in biology with a different attitude, using the job to help people. That's OK. They can work in a paper-clip factory if they want to, if the job is the way to earn money to live to help others. We can live and work to amuse ourselves, or we can live and work to help other people, to serve other people, to look out for their interests and not just our own.

Having meaning and purpose in life is a very attractive and desirable thing — but in this world that is distorted by sin, a life of love always involves some pain. Somebody is going to misunderstand what we are doing, is going to resent what we are doing, is going to bite the hand that feeds it, is going to hurt our feelings and maybe hurt our body as well. Jesus does not promise us an easy and happy life. He promises trials — but he also promises that he loves us, and he proved that love in a physical way, by giving himself on the cross for our sins. That gives me great comfort.

In this sinful world, in our imperfect lives, we will inevitably experience trials. So, we can have a pointless life with trials and worry, or we can have a meaningful life with trials and faith. We can't escape all trials, and we can't prevent all hurts by hiding ourselves away.

If we reach out to love other people, we will sometimes get hurt. I can't change that, but it does help to be aware of it to start with. We can count the cost ahead of time, and not be blown away when a trial comes. As Peter said, Beloved, do not think it strange when fiery trials come, as if something strange were happening. Trials are to be expected. They are part of the territory, part of life in this world. When we accept the call to follow Christ, the cost is our life, our pride, our comfort, our feelings.

But the sufferings of this life, even though they may be painful, are much less than the joy that is set before us. The rewards are wonderful.

In the case of Jesus, Paul says in verse 9: "Therefore [because Jesus was willing to die to help us], God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

We will not be exalted as much as Jesus is, but we will be exalted, and we will sit with him on his throne and we will reign with him, to the glory of God the Father. We need to see this joy set before us, this reward that is guaranteed for us, as we go through the difficulties of following Jesus.

"Therefore," Paul says in verse 12, "my dear friends, as you have always obeyed — not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence — continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling"

Yes, work, and work hard, but don't forget verse 13: "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

As John wrote, Dear friends, let us love, for love is of God, for God is love, and as we let him work in our lives, the fruit that results will be love, a concern for other people, a concern that overcomes fear and reaches out. This is our purpose in life, and we will not be satisfied unless we let God do this work within us. It results in action, in changed attitudes and changed behavior. It involves risk. It sometimes leads to pain, but it always leads to joy.